I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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