I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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