1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
