I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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