ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
