I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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