Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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