I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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