Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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