grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
