I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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