nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
