The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
