So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
