we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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