I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
