Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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