I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize