i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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