ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
