Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
