I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
