you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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