I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
