last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
