I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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