I want to have your abortion
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
