chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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