Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
