We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
