that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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