I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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