I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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