At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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