Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
