Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
