i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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