Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
