Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
