I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
