i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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