Banned from zoo.
Again?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
