My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
