I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to