Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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