He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
