Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
