oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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