Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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