dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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