May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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