So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just cropdusted the office
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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