Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
