My room smells like vodka and shame
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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