Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
