found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
