after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
