I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
