I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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