i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
