I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
