she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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