IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The Olympian is in my bed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
