RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
