Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
