I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
