whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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