Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
