I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
