Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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