I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its not stalking. its research.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this just has baby written all over it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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