My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
